The Changing Face of Love

 

What does love mean to us? The answer to that question is very individual, and changes over time. It also varies a little by gender, and even the times in which we grow up.

Newborn babies experience love completely through physical contact. Science has proven that little ones thrive on that human touch, and it actually makes them healthier. I’ve known people who volunteer at hospitals to hold and rock sick children. It fills in gaps for parents who must work, and allows nurses to take care of more critical needs. This is also a great time for grandparents to bond. Though I’ve never seen any research on the subject, I think the attitude of the person doing the holding and rocking comes through and affects the behavior of the child. New parents are understandably nervous and apprehensive. They may even be anticipating those college educations that will soon need to be paid for. Grandparents, on the other hand, are totally relaxed, stress-free and completely joyful about the new addition to the family. We are setting the stage at this point for the days when Mom and Dad will be concerned with discipline, and Granny and Grandpa will be more about having fun.

Small children continue to enjoy the “feel” of love, and soon transfer their affections to inanimate objects. I remember a huge, furry stuffed poodle that I loved to lay on, drag around and sleep with. As my maternal instincts kicked in, I adopted a rag doll named Mandy that I still own. She is unique, because she is fashioned out of black material with stitched-on eyes and black yarn hair. She was just the right size for me to lug everywhere I went. Evidently, I took very good care of her (I wasn’t as rough and tumble as my younger sister) because she still wears her original yellow calico dress and lacy apron.

About the time little girls get in school, it becomes important that they designate one of their fellow students as a boyfriend. I can remember in first grade we all competed for the attention of one dark eyed boy named Bobby. We all claimed he liked us best, though truth be told I’m sure he spent more time running from us than showing any of us his favor.

In the “tween” years, we begin to develop crushes. Being a child of the TV generation,  my first celebrity idol was Ricky Nelson. He was the cuter of the two brothers, and oh, could he sing!  Later, I became enamored with the Osmond brothers, and even traveled to Kansas City with my mom and sister to become part of the screaming, swooning crowd. Standing outside waiting to get in to the concert, someone spotted some young male figures standing in a hotel window several stories up. Everyone started waving, certain these boys would remember us when they got on stage. Most likely, we were duped by imposters, who always remembered the time they made thousands of girls act like complete fools.

When we’re old enough to seriously look for a mate, we search to find the handsome prince who is the perfect combination of all the things we’ve been dreaming of since the dress-up tea party days. He must be great looking, polite, funny, and hardworking enough to support us while we raise our perfect family. The goal here is to kiss as few frogs as possible along the way.

My Prince Charming had a little bit of a tough sell. Because my own parents had divorced when I was small, I was not going to be swept off by the first young knave riding up on a charging white steed, or even driving a blue-gray Dodge Challenger. I wanted to be sure the king of my castle would stick around to help me rear his future little lords and ladies. Getting acquainted with his family helped in this regard. To them, happily ever after was a foregone conclusion. We rode off into the sunset at a young age, and I’ve never looked back.

These days, as we look back on the busy days of bringing up three independent, totally unique children, it has become all about companionship. Of course, surprises like a special gift from the local jeweler, or a fancy gourmet supper carry some weight. But more importantly, sitting next to each other being mesmerized by meaningless television shows or arguing with the GPS as we explore new territory makes our joy complete. We’ve been there, done that, got a t-shirt or two, and treasure the thought of returning home with each other. Love is no less exciting, just more satisfying than ever.

         

 

Random Lessons Learned during Twenty-twelve

If you’re reading this, the Mayans were wrong. The world did not end on 12-21-12, and another year is going into the history books. We’re back to following the advice given to us by the Son of the only One who has it all figured out: “Watch and pray for you know not when the time is.”  I guess we could have saved ourselves a lot of stress and worry. Sort of an “I could have had a V-8” moment, isn’t it?

In the working world, a common thing to do at the end of a project is to review the results; talk about lessons learned. One former boss used a military term and called this a “hot wash” session. We don’t assign any importance or order to these observations, just note them. Detailed analysis can come later.

So, here’s my hot wash for the twelfth year of the new millennium.

1: Never assume you can figure out your retirement plans on your own. The sooner you get an expert on board, the better. If your children are young enough, try to interest one of them in financial planning as a career. Raising your own Alex Keaton could be very beneficial to your whole family. On second thought- having a family member in charge of your money at such an early age could be a conflict of interest, and might prompt arsenic in your oatmeal. Better just consult the yellow pages.

2. If you find yourself in the situation of not having to report to work every day, enjoy every minute. Others will try to fill your time, but you are in ultimate control. If you’re trying to find a new job, try not to stress about it. Things will work out.  Meanwhile, live it up, and wear pajamas and slippers all day if you get the chance!

3. Granny Camp with all of your grandkids in attendance can be a real joy. However, the idea of not having another adult around to assist can be abandoned if you have four campers ages 10 and under. Also, shortening the session from a week to three days is a remarkably wonderful idea!

4. You’re never too old for a job interview, and a well crafted resume can be extremely handy. This is your chance to blow your own horn. Don’t be dishonest, but don’t sell yourself short, either. Many employers are recognizing the value of hiring experienced, seasoned employees. On a related note: if you are asked to speak about one of your best features, and one of your worst ones, the weakness should be a cleverly disguised strength. Example: “I have a hard time letting go of a project when it’s finished, because I want everything to be perfect.”

5. Eighteen people can fit comfortably in a garage for a large family dinner. Crafty kids and grandkids can help with decorations the night before. Another stress reducing tip: take advantage of helpful mothers, sisters-in-law, daughters, daughters-in-law and grand-daughters, and send males of all ages outside until everything is on the table.

6. Two serious thoughts about tragic events that occurred just before Christmas. Even if God is no longer officially invited to our schools, He’s still there. And, guns don’t kill people, people who should not have access to guns kill people. I’m trying to keep this list positive, but sometimes things just must be said.

7. We live in a beautiful state, with boundless opportunities for happy jaunts with little or no planning. The State Park system is a secret that we should not keep to ourselves any longer. Though it would be impossible to name a favorite, Mounts Magazine, Nebo and Petit Jean are all in the running.

8. Social media is a fantastic tool for keeping in touch, and even for making new friends. Warnings about revealing too much of your private information are valid, but with due caution, online contacts can become real-life pals.

9. A healthy mix of good food and moderate exercise can make day to day life much more pleasant. Kudos to those who are making great strides along these lines, and for those of you who are just maintaining, never give up!

10.  Changes of all kinds happen. During adjustment periods, don’t schedule too many activities. You need time for physical and emotional recuperation.

New years are full of possibilities. Twenty-twelve is gone, and we’re gearing up for Lucky Thirteen. The Mayans didn’t have everything figured out, any more than we do. Like the psalm and the song that inspired this column puts it:  “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.”   Use those lessons learned, and keep your smiling face aimed forward!